Loving or Limiting Behaviours

Loving behaviours are respectful, kind, and supportive. They help us grow, bring out the best in ourselves, and create the greatest good for the greatest number of people. These behaviours build trust, encourage openness, strengthen connection, and heal emotional wounds. Ideally, loving behaviours are offered freely—without needing recognition or reward.

When we make conscious, loving choices, we expand our potential. Being loving means being present, aware of our thoughts and emotions, and choosing actions that aren’t fuelled by fear.

Our thoughts shape our self-talk, our self-talk shapes our behaviour, and behaviour turns into our reality. The gift—and the responsibility—is recognizing the impact our choices have on our lives. When we understand that our thoughts, words, and deeds shape our world, we can choose more intentionally.

Limiting behaviours

Limiting behaviours are the opposite. They are the habits that keep us stuck, hold us back, and quietly sabotage our peace and happiness. Limiting thoughts fuel negative inner dialogue, and that internal narrative leads to actions—or inaction—driven by fear.

We may even fear our own potential, afraid that success will raise expectations or open us up to judgement. So, we cling to old routines and familiar comforts. Fear of failure can keep us living below our capacity, blaming circumstances or others, rather than taking responsibility.

Over time these patterns become automatic: underperforming, avoiding challenges, and stepping away from what matters. It’s familiar, it’s easy—and ultimately, it costs us our confidence and well-being.

And just like loving behaviours, limiting behaviours also begin with thoughts, words, and deeds.

Why change feels so hard

Our repeated choices carve mental and emotional pathways—neural networks—that strengthen with use. The more we repeat a behaviour, the stronger the pathway becomes.

Changing habits can feel like bushwhacking through a jungle. With practice, that rough path becomes a trail, then a road, and eventually, a smooth superhighway.

Learning a new skill demonstrates this beautifully. Think of learning a parallel stop on skis. At first, it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and demands complete focus. But with repetition, those neural pathways strengthen, until it becomes fluid and almost effortless.

Honesty, integrity, positive communication, they all work the same way. The more we practice, the more natural it becomes.

Why limiting behaviours persist

Limiting behaviours are built on flawed thinking, old assumptions, and outdated conditioning. They thrive on lack of awareness. They survive because we allow them to:
through excuses, avoidance, and the stories we tell ourselves.

Eventually we reach a turning point—when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of change.

What limiting behaviours look like

Examples are endless:

• eating when we’re not hungry

• impatience

• overreacting / projecting anger

• neglecting self-care

• negative self-talk

• avoiding responsibility

• withdrawing when anxious

• choosing comfort over growth

Loving behaviours include: kindness, compassion, learning new skills, seeking truth, respectful.

How to replace limiting behaviours

Real change begins when we acknowledge the pain these behaviours cause.

If we can shift our relationship with the behaviour, we can shift the outcome.

For example, changing our belief that food is comfort during stress, to food being fuel for health and vitality, changes everything. These are two very different relationships—and they lead in two very different directions.

We must become aware of the thoughts that create negative inner dialogue and challenge whether they are true or helpful.

We are all dysfunctional to some degree. As Bruce Lee said, “Only the fool doesn’t know that they are a fool.”

We all make mistakes. So instead of shame, let’s practice compassion. Failure is part of learning and learning leads to loving.

Treat yourself as you would a cherished friend—one who deserves patience, forgiveness, and encouragement.

Choosing a new path

Once we recognize a limiting habit, we can consciously replace it with a loving one. At first, the new behaviour will feel difficult, foreign, and uncomfortable. New paths take courage.

But with repetition, the old pathway weakens, and the new one becomes easier.

For example:
If stress leads us to eat, medicate, or isolate, we can pause and ask, “What am I actually feeling? And what do I really need?”

We might replace overeating with:

• exercise

• meditation

• connecting with a friend

• being creative

Each time we choose the loving path, the limiting path loses strength.

Growing into mastery

Masterful people are mindful. They weed out the negative and nourish the positive. Their actions align with their values, and as their integrity grows, so does their self-worth.

They welcome growth, even when it’s uncomfortable. They trust the learning process. They recognize that change is not a burden—it’s an opportunity.

The more we learn to replace limiting behaviours with loving ones, the more capable, confident, and compassionate we become.

We become the architects of our lives—guided by logic, softened by love.

Namaste,
Chris