Want Kids to Listen? Get Them Talking First
If you want your child to become a great listener, start by being genuinely curious about them — their friends, music, and current interests. Once you’ve explored the fun stuff, dig a little deeper. Ask about their opinions, fears, and biggest dreams.
Why? Because to get kids to listen, we have to show them why listening matters.
Listening Is Love in Action
If love is the foundation of relationships, listening is the doors and windows that let connection flow in. It bridges gaps, builds trust, and heals broken bonds.
The more we listen to our children, the more they’ll value listening in return. Being truly heard tells a child, “You matter. You’re worth my time.”
Listening builds confidence, empathy, and self-esteem — all while strengthening the bond that connects us.
Model What You Want to See
When a child experiences genuine listening, they start to understand its power. Parents who want their kids to be good listeners can model that skill by paying attention, showing empathy, and being curious about what others think and feel.
Listening doesn’t always mean taking turns equally. Often, the adult listens more and speaks less. It means withholding judgment, keeping an open mind, and diving deeper for understanding.
There will be time later for guidance or correction — but jumping in too soon to “fix” things cuts off the conversation before it can grow.
Why Kids Stop Sharing
You don’t have to agree with your child to listen well. Think about how we, as adults, vent or talk things out to process our thoughts. We don’t always mean everything we say — sometimes we’re just finding our way through feelings.
Kids do this too. But when they open up and we meet them with correction or advice instead of empathy, they stop sharing.
Kids stop talking when parents only listen until it gets uncomfortable — then rush in to rescue or control the situation. To earn their trust, we have to listen all the way through, even when it’s messy or hard.
And when children stop talking, they also stop listening. Why should they hear us out if we don’t do the same?
Make Listening a Priority
Life gets busy, but if we don’t make space to really listen, the distance that forms is self-inflicted.
Without modeling, kids learn to listen only when it benefits them — when it’s convenient or when privileges are on the line. They learn from adults (and society) how to pretend-listen — nodding, smiling, but not really hearing.
Selective hearing damages relationships at home, school, and work. Many adults struggle later in love or friendship because they’ve forgotten how to listen deeply. When love is new, we’ll listen all night. As time goes on, we take connection for granted.
But here’s the good news: it’s never too late to repair relationships with our kids, partners, or friends.
9 Ways to Listen So Kids Feel Heard
Listen with your eyes, ears, and heart. Make eye contact, be present, and really tune in.
Replace judgment with curiosity. Try saying, “Thank you — tell me more.”
Acknowledge their feelings and needs.
Ask questions to clarify. Feelings take time to understand.
Accept their emotions. They’re not facts to argue.
Reflect what you hear. Paraphrase to show understanding.
Keep the focus on them. It’s about their story, not yours.
Avoid fixing. Most people want to be heard, not solved.
Make time for real conversations. Kids grow up fast — and it’s often later than we think.
✨ Final Thought: Listening isn’t just a parenting skill — it’s an act of love. When we listen deeply, we teach our children how to connect, empathize, and trust. That’s how they learn to listen, too.
(Originally posted December 2021)