Name It. Own It. Reframe It.

We are verbal creatures. Much of our thinking is language-based. We create personal narratives and carry-on internal conversations to make sense of life. In a way, we are both the author and the audience of our thoughts.

The challenge? We don’t just listen to our thoughts — we judge them. And often, we judge the thinker as well. The messenger, (that’s us), can get beat up by our inner critic while we entertain a steady stream of doubts.

There is another option.

Instead of attacking ourselves for what we think, we can check our thoughts for truthfulness and positive intention.

From time to time, we all have unkind or illogical thoughts. Most of us don’t act on them — and that’s a good thing. Weeding out distorted thinking is a worthwhile process. It helps us assess what’s really happening between our ears. When we nurture a constructive inner voice, we become a stronger ally for ourselves — and for others who need clarity and wisdom.

This is where Name it. Own it. Reframe it. comes into play.

Name It

Naming something means identifying the problem — or the opportunity. Often, they travel together. Adversity, when faced with optimism, creates opportunity.

For example, if we’re feeling jealous, simply naming it is powerful. “I’m feeling jealous.” That awareness prevents denial. Unnamed jealousy leaks out sideways — through sarcasm, gossip, or withdrawal. Named jealousy becomes information. It allows us to focus on growth instead of projection.

Own It

We can’t change what we don’t own.

Owning it means accepting responsibility for our emotions and behaviour. If we blame others for how we feel, we give away our power. We stay stuck, replaying the same feelings and hoping someone else will fix what is clearly an inside job.

Ownership restores strength.

Reframe It

Reframing means choosing a healthier perspective.

Jealousy, for example, isn’t negative until we act negatively. If we share our feelings honestly — “I really admire your skill. I’d like to improve mine” — jealousy turns into motivation. What could have become resentment becomes respect. That’s courage.

Jealousy, named, owned, and reframed, transforms from a problem into an opportunity for growth and even kindness.

The same applies when we face rudeness, intimidation, or bullying.

When we name inappropriate behaviour calmly and clearly, we bring it out of the shadows. Silence feeds bullying. Calm clarity challenges it.

Calling out harmful behaviour may not always stop it immediately, but it builds dignity and strength within us. When someone is addressed respectfully and directly, they often lose their appetite for control. Bullies prefer silence and reaction — not calm confidence.

However, naming it does not mean reacting unkindly. If we respond with insults, we mirror the very behaviour we’re trying to stop.

There’s a difference between saying:

“You’re an idiot.”  And, “That comment was disrespectful.”

The first attacks the person. The second addresses the behaviour.

The question becomes: Do we want to be right and put someone down? Or do we want to elevate the situation with candid, respectful clarity?

The goal is simple: name the issue without belittling the person.

Once we’ve named the problem and owned our part in it, it’s time to reframe.

Imagine you have a framed photo of someone who frustrates you. You could scribble “LOSER” across it and throw darts at it. That’s one option — and a sign they still control your emotions.

Or you could write:
“This person is a training partner in resilience.”

Now they serve your growth.

Reframing doesn’t excuse poor behaviour. It extracts the lesson. A broken arm could have been worse. Getting fired might lead to a better job. Difficult people strengthen patience and self-control.

In martial arts as in life, we don’t want to reflect negativity, instead we can;

Name it.
Own it.
Reframe it.

Every challenge can be wrapped as a gift if we’re willing to look for the lesson.

By Chris Leigh-Smith