Why Struggle Is Good
Part of the parenting journey is the never-ending process of learning. We learn with our children and for our children, so we both benefit and unlock unlimited potential. Learning the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic is vital. Learning life skills, like self-awareness and prosocial behavior, is equally important. The old adage comes to mind: it is important to teach children how to count, but it is more important to teach them what counts.
Children need to struggle in order to grow. Few challenges mean little growth. With appropriate support, struggle builds resilience, resolve, and resourcefulness. Part of the struggle is feeling victimized, helpless, and unable to change circumstances at first.
Kids need our coaching to see themselves as experiencers of life rather than victims of circumstance. The victim mentality has a major cost: it gives up our power. When we blame others for our situation, we hand over our personal power to perceive life and create opportunities.
Coaching children to see the poor behavior of others as an opportunity to learn, rather than a restriction, puts the problem or challenge in their court. Now the child is invited to take responsibility for how they feel and behave. In the same way, mistakes and failures can be seen as stepping stones to success rather than limitations that define us. It is an important shift in perception.
Those who see struggles as a negative imposition they are hopeless to overcome become victims and may also feel entitled. Because they may have been sheltered from life’s difficulties, they believe life owes them a safe and easy path. Only through struggle can kids discover that overcoming obstacles builds competence and confidence.
Children are empowered by parents who take life’s struggles in stride. With positive role modeling, they will eventually develop an inner voice that meets challenges with: “Oh well, that is unexpected, and we can make the best of it. I am sure there is a lesson to be learned here, or an opportunity yet undiscovered.”
Namaste — Chris Leigh-Smith
This article was inspired by a conversation with my osteopath, Teara, about victim mentality and the value of struggle.